This term we have been looking at ways to make our writing more interesting for the reader.
We have used the following criteria to guide us:
- Changing the word order of a sentence
- Using literary devices such as metaphor, simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia and personification
- Using specific verbs and adjectives
- Using show, don’t tell techniques
- Using different sentence beginnings and lengths
Here are some examples of my writing this term.
Show Don’t Tell - Emotions
Anger:As I stormed into the room like a tyrannosaurus rex running for its prey,I screeched so loud at my Mum that all the glass and expensive plates smashed to the ground. I was boiling over like a kettle until I erupted like a volcano. Swoosh, Swoosh, Swoosh words flew out of my mouth like the speed of light blah blah blah deblah went my strong lungs. It was also like I held a Guinness world record for talking the fastest until I realised that it was all just a dream.
Sad:She was crying so much I turned around to be looking at the town that was under water. Was it me, I sobbed to myself, no it wasn't it was Amanda it is her fault that I am crying so much. In fact none of this would of happened if she hadn’t hurt my feelings so much. For years and years all sorts happened to this town storms,wars,earthquakes until Lilly stopped crying and forgave Amanda.The next day everything was back to normal well for now.
Happy:James was so happy that he skipped down the road with his smile a mile of his face in desperation to get to school. As he came onto the same block as school he sprinted like he was running for a gold medal in the Olympics. As he arrived at school he stumbled to a stop. As he marched into class he put his bag on his hook and ran to his desk. He was now counting down the minutes and seconds until the bell rang. It was the day he has been waiting for it was cross country.
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Music Writing The Hall Of The Mountain King
The King walked majestically into the Great Hall. The awaiting crowd stopped their nervous talk and stood in respect. Women whispered how handsome he was and how lucky his future Queen would be. The King hadn't even met the Princess but knew that her family were very rich and powerful. To back out of the wedding would mean war and possible death.
The music started and trumpets sounded. The King was too scared to turn his head but he heard the gasps from the crowd. His heart beat like a drum and his stomach turned like a clock he slowly turned his body to meet his future. His shock turned to love as she tip toed over to him and held his large hands for the first dance.
Slowly they moved in time with the quiet sound nervous to make a mistake with many spectators. The music increased and got faster and faster. Their body's got closer and closer until their lips were touching. Suddenly the crowd went crazy and joined in the dance. Feet moved in time with the music and the King’s heart moved in time with his future Queen.
As the King and future Queen danced he admired her beautiful dress. It was silver and sparkly reminding him of the dress that Cinderella wore. The King now was looking at her gold long hair he thought that it would be as smooth as the music echoing in the background. Then the King started looking at her stunning face. He was astonished with how he couldn't actually find the word that, is how amazing it was.
As the song came to an end they walked off the dance floor and took a seat in the King and Queens throne. The crowd applauded with happiness that the King had met his dream queen. They sat there thinking of their future.
Here is the music I wrote this story to.
The Boy.
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Cullen slowly dragged his feet down the road while sobbing and feeling sorry for himself until James from school approached him. James was a year 8 boy and was very popular.When James started walking next to Cullen he mumbled ‘what's wrong Cullen’.’I'm just in one heap of trouble explained Cullen.’What did you do’ says James.’I saw a bunch of cash on top of a woman's bag and saw her coming so I decided to take a LITTLE bunch of the cash and run but now I feel really guilty’ explained Cullen.’OK do you know where this woman lives’.Yes I do,’How about we write a letter and put it in her letter box’ urged James.
The next day Cullen wrote a note this is what it said.
Dear ???.
Hi, I am writing this letter in regards to your Lost money. I am sorry that I stole it but hopefully You can forgive me. Here is the money that I stole and again I’m sorry.
Regards Cullen.
He then hopped on his bike and raced down the street, he checked to make sure no one was looking then put it in the letterbox and left.The next day someone rang the doorbell and said is Cullen there,he went to the door and it was the woman whose house Cullen sent the letter to.Oh said Cullen I was sorry about your money,That's OK I was just coming around to say that it was OK and so there is no awkwardness between us. I was hoping you would say that expressed Cullen.
Viking Girl.
I threw my bag on the floor and slammed my bedroom door behind me. I start crying “Why can’t people just leave me alone. “I wonder Why can’t I get dressed up as a viking without being picked on. “People are so judge these days”! Bags under my eyes I try to stop crying but I just can’t. I feel like everybody is mean to me just because I like getting dressed up.
By Oakley Fearon.
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